Fight it as long as you can

it's been a river, hard to paddle,
these past few days, and i think it was the
way it all fell out that had me leave the boat where i did.

at a stoplight it all came back, like rushing,
didn't know what to do with it all,
and i knew that
as dark as it was,
i could go back there,
i could fall back,
slip on the path upwards.
i remembered all of it, how it felt to crush my eyes
so that i couldn't see
so that i couldn't tell any of it
apart.
the burgundys and carmel-browns that drip drip
crutched me, but kept me walking.
like that.
so, i think that you could save me,
but i can't reach you.
and in a minute i'll be spinning
and i'll lose my head again.
i'll lose my head again.

on this train, through the back-road ways, where the
stragglers fade in and out,
i glimpse it all,
i catch and recall,
in vision, technicolor-gray,
and i'll lose my head again.
i'll lose my head again.