Pinellas Nightingale

Fell away today. You’ll kick off your shoes, and put it all away. It’s easy. And all of your minutes they tick right on time.
But I know a girl, barely past middle and all you can say is it’s better this way. And aren’t they lovely, the silks that we spin? Wrap it up, wrap it up and put it away. And I’ve heard it said that birds, they can sing. So listen up boys, cut out your tongues.
Fell away today. Delicate flounders and fumbles with this; isn’t it so foggy sometimes? Aren’t they lovely, the silks that we spin?
And it’s built with your virtue, your faith and your charm, and somewhere along this path it all became you,
But I know a girl, barely past middle and all you can say is it’s better this way. Simple, so simple like your hot chocolates and smiles. Philomel knows the score.
Fell away today. But I’ve heard it said that birds, they can sing. So listen up boys, cut out your tongues.


["I've got your mind", I said. She said, "I've your voice." I said, "You don't need my voice girl, you've got your own."] Bells For Her-Tori Amos

[I've been here silent all these years.] Silent All These Years-Tori Amos

All about ME ME ME

Due to an influx of requests for more information about lil' ol' me, I've decided to utilize one of those nifty little list things that I've been seein' around. So, ya'll wanted to know more about me, for reasons I'll never understand, so here it is:

100 Things about me, ME, me.....

1. I am a Taurus.....bull to the brim
2. I like the color blue...periwinkle, baby, sky.....so many blues
3. I'm named after my father
4. I'm from New Mexico
5. Love cats..........for a while, I considered buying myself a vehicle with the word "Pussywagon"
painted on it, but decided against when I realized that some people may interpret it in a
perverted and disgusting way. Oh, and because I'm not as cool as Uma.
6. One of my favorite movies is Muriel's Wedding (what?)
7. I think Tori Amos is a goddess, a real, live Goddess.
8. I'm also crazy
9. I know a lot of lesbians
10. Maybe that's because I'm also gay...
11. And yes, I have a boyfriend (so stop asking!!)
12. I'm not really a fan of chocolate, or really sweet things in general
13. I once worked at a strip club in Texas
14. No, I didn't strip there
15. I actually left my heart in San Francisco. Really. I had this heart-shaped box I bought for my
mom, and it was all wrapped up and everything......and wouldn't you know it?, I forgot it
in the hotel room! crazy...
16. I don't like airports
17. I don't like airport people
18. I love the ocean
19. I had a cat named Wish once
20. My hair was turqouise for a period of 3 months when I was 19
21. My hair has also been green, red, blonde, light-brown, and believe it or not, pink
22. My natural hair color is actually black
23. I hate my natural hair color
24. I love shrimp....tasty lil' fuckers
25. I have a dog (her name is Mesa)
26. I used to have a Chihuahua (her name was Duchess), but someone stole her
27. I used to have a cat named Isabelle, and it was a male cat.....poor thing
28. One of my earliest memories is being in a large green room with vaulted ceilings, looking
up at the light, and hearing cries from the next room
29. No one else can recall or help me with this memory
30. My parents are currently divorcing each-other
31. I have a brother and a sister, both younger
32. My siblings and I are all named after biblical figures
33. I like my name the best
34. Michael is my favorite Archangel
35. I used to live in Palmdale, CA
36. and El Paso, TX
37. and Santa Monica, CA
38. and Hawthorne, CA
39. and of course, Las Cruces, NM
40. Now I don't live in any of those places
41. My great-grandmother and her sisters were kidnapped by Pancho Villa
42. I'm part German, Italian, Mayan, and Spanish.....oh oh, and throw a little French in there..
43. My favorite alcoholic drink is Jim Beam
44. I used to sit at the edge of the Rio Grande with my friend Kimberly in the winter, when the
New Mexico sky was all grey and smokey, and we'd drink whiskey to help warm ourselves
45. I'm a lot like my mother
46. I'm also a lot like my father
47. I used to be a model
48. I hate modeling
49. I always thought it would be cool to be a singer
50. I used to be a gymnast
51. I was an extremely advanced gymnast at age 10
52. I quit when I was 11 because I got lazy, or bored, or scared, or dumb
53. I often wonder what would have happened if I didn't quit
54. One of my favorite movie characters of all time is Scarlet O'Hara
55. I drive a Honda
56. I've been pepper-sprayed twice, in the same night, in Juarez
57. I broke my knuckle in a fight once
58. My best friend in high school was a guy named John
59. I haven't talked to him in such a long time
60. I don't like high places, like the tops of buildings and such. Not because I'm afraid of heights,
but because I don't trust myself not to jump
61. I've never been in a subway
62. I've never been on a train of any sort
63. I haven't been to Barbados
64. I've had a closed heart for a really long time
65. I just recently learned how to open it up
66. I like metaphor-speak
67. Dozens of people live inside my head.........most of whom are versions of me
68. I consider my poems to be seperate entities
69. I'm a little nutty
70. I used to be a smoker
71. I drink a little too much
72. I've had a lot of girlfriends
73. Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham, is one of my favorite books
74. So is The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing
75. So is Good Morning, Midnight by Jean Rhys
76. I somehow connect to Sasha, the main character in that last one
77. I used to work at Magic Mountain
78. I also used to work at GAP
79. I used to be a waiter (at several restaurants)
80. I hated being a waiter
81. I love mexican food
82. I believe in God, in some form or another
83. I was almost raped once
84. I once went to a party, where someone drugged me, and I woke up the next day on a
street corner in another city, in another state
85. I think that faith in something is vital
86. I think everyone should find that 'something'
87. I think Colorado Springs, CO is a really cool city
88. I have 5 tattoos
89. I have two piercings
90. I got my first tattoo in San Luis Obispo, CA
91. I'm not angry with my father anymore
92. One of my favorite places to go is to a bar (go figure) in Malibu, CA called the Blue Lounge
93. I like old movies
94. I love Marilyn Monroe movies
95. I don't think there is ever enough time
96. I try not to drink soda, but fail miserably on a daily basis
97. I love everything Pomegranate
98. I like the Persephone myth
99. I would have liked to have met Mary Magdalene
100. I'm just a boy at heart

Blue All Over

i'm a little bored with just the garden i've been given
and i'll step out and find my way without your kind permission.
and if i fall
if i trip along the way
if i choke on all the mysteries that i have swallowed up
i know it isn't your concern
it isn't your concern
and i'll just blue
all over.

i'm a little tired of veils and masking what i'm given
and i'll run naked, writhe beside instead of under
all in my own skin
and if i cry
if i feel along the way
if i crumble sweetly along with my red heart
i know it isn't your concern
it isn't your concern
and i'll just blue
all over.

i'm a little full up with the task that i've been given
and i'm afraid of pedestals so high that i can't balance
i am no idol, please
so if i turn
if i turn and walk away
if i prefer that i'm my own and not just vessel-doll
i know i'll let you down
it isn't your concern
and i'll just blue
all over.

tell those three that nothing's happened here today.

Catalyst In a Horse-less Carriage

i'll be a sparrow. you see me like i am and how it is. this is nothing
like before, not just a game. no tableaux-vivant with me. i ask it again and again, the sphinx
spits back at me in glyphs that i can't read.
you only skim along my surface. this is no fault of yours. i've drawn no maps no legend for you, compass is out of commission. and baby if it bleeds, it's cool, it'll be all right, it'll be just fine. i take to colour easily, not for nothing. if you feel around inside, it's just
the ice learning to melt. haven't tears enough to let it all out, let it spill out just enough to draw a line.
this gravity machine threatens to dissolve my silk
cathedrals. clever spider that i am spins more, works harder, getting harder and harder to resist the ritual.
my tea-cup is full-up.
i have a tale for you, soldier, blinding like the wars you have survived. an experiment in clouds over country. i'll speak of this invasion as i know it, as i get my hands on it, turn it upside-around.
Amorpha is my name. you call it like it is after all this time, after all that time in the barracks, behind the lines.
what will you do with all of this, with all this fruit particle-knowledge? you have bitten
deep.
keep your eyes on me.

What It Feels Like Outside of Valhalla

Beyond Aubade

after the night swings, dip through the milk and i
feel for a fast force that i lease on the hour. and i'll tumble through
the light swatches and grey-stuffs, mid-air.
i can switch you with water-falls, eyes flush as mirror-pools, dreams flesh and warm, on and off. and i
i wonder at charms like that, ripple like that, christen you under my hands.
and this isn't happening
this isn't happening
not like in my books on the shelf.
and i'll watch you breathing it in.

Caesura

just stop. wait for it under heavy lids, lorelei cries out their names. and you
you were not for me like i understood. and you
you were just one of them, just like before. and you
you and i can't believe symbiosis as it stands.
and we'll put on paper gloves.
and we
we'll laugh and play our games.
fold them and toss them aside
know when it's time to go home.
and you
you, I could not understand, would not comprehend.
and we
we can't let this go.
i can't let this go.
just keep on reaching, it's cool. just keep on dreaming with me,
just keep on
just keep on loving it too.
and you
you were not for me like i understood.
can't let this go.

Dream: Act III

the light falls in shadow-blues all over again.
drape it on thick like a fog. i liked it behind the safety glass.
and was it sweet just like me?
was it just candy for free? and am i still honey
just tell me i'm still from the hive.
and tell me this is not what i see. tell me that this isn't you.
i'll just close my eyes and walk away. i'll just go back home
and pretend.
i'll just close my eyes and walk away.
i'll just close my eyes.
this isn't what i understood.
and dreams they can seethe like the sun.

After the Dance

"you know, it's all fresh from here on out". she half-listens and agrees regardless. there is only so much i can do or say. distance is a white-wall at both ends. always knew you had it in you, sometimes we just don't know where to look. and you were more than the words that he had given you, more than even i could know, but it takes time, and it takes time.
love is like that, always harder on yourself than when it comes from the left. so aggressive. it branches out when it's you that holds the seed. but you learn even after one dance has ended, and you dance some more. i think we had some drinks that night.

"And how will your night dances lose themselves?"

Zvezdochka

found out today i'm honey-bound. the scent gets stronger, gardenia and something southern. shucked off my abalone coat, feeling a little like Isolde, all flutter-bys and such. when i smile now, not like before, when it was an act of contrition more than anything. salubrious resolve. and out of likeness to her, i don't need more than this. sweet in your astrology.


"I've told every little star....."

"I could drink a case of you and still be on my feet..."

"do you know you're beautiful?"

Wandering Through and Through: Journal of a MadMan

the Cold Seas:

he wasn't pleased with me then, and nobody was. i couldn't harness the winds as he had instructed, too hard, too fast.
the ship is foreign to me, wood that i have not been acquainted with for long, the shape of which disturbs me. i don't believe that i have ever been equipped to hold down in the gales, gales gales. i know one thing, and i have been swimming for so long, so long, and if i just float here i don't know what will become of me. i dive in. i no longer have the oxygen, i only sink. i only sink. i only think of shores, and where did my captain get off to?

Flower in the Glen:

he is like that
will wait for you and keep
those chocolate eyes abundantly aware of their mysterious sway.
over you, over there. where he waits, there are the sweetest breezes.
Scent-uality breeds triple-fold with him
and he passes by
hits you like a touch
Omber Rose, like Omber Rose
he is and he does
like Omber Rose, said
Omber Rose. taste and when you thought he'd gone, you know it keeps
that is seeps
but he is like that
remembers all the soft spots, every place you warm to. likes to brush his lips on yours.
he is like that.
hits you like a touch.

Orchard Lovelies:

stop at every tree. i don't like the taste of bitter last-seasons, please.
"look at me, look at me boy, don't you see? don't you try to learn?"
i am i am a product of.......
"you are just as you are. you are not my son, you are from somewhere far off, that I can't see to, that I can't rely on, but you, you are just as you are."
i am just beginning to click to this. am not entirely sure, and i crafted my own noose last afternoon.
"look at me boy, don't you see? you are, you are beautiful-abandoned. the work's not done, the hive ain't finished, your pollen is falling away. pick it up, just pick it up."
crafted my own noose last afternoon.
i am i am without memory.

Spectrum Feels

for my life, i would that i could. and what part of you is you? what is this, that i cannot separate and jigsaw?
belt it out for me, your lessons in hard notes, one octave above mine. you haven't encountered anyone so collected, so scattered-to-the-winds-attentive. disregard my distraction. i resist.
and if i'm leaving, i'll siren-sound it.
what part of me is mine, that they have not touched? what part of me is mine? I don't attend the masques, always decline the invitations.
and if i'm leaving, i'll turn out the lights. i'll turn out the lights.
gallactic sparkle, i am. unintelligible constellation. they'll only say it isn't you.
it isn't you.
for my life, i would that i could.
meridian is not my name.


"our remedies oft in ourselves do lie."

"think you I am no stronger than my sex, being so fathered and so husbanded?"

"le difference ecarte"

What Kingdom Is This? v.2

that i should fall without feathers.......no fairytale dark-wood, but fight it just the same, if you find it's all lies.
necessary wounds, all of it, sternum and across the throat. Jonas tells me to pull it all together, gather it up, take it to the hive..............honey is the result. "gather so that all you can smell is honey, all you can taste and feel is the sticky-sweet." and i pull it all together, gather it up, and i begin my search for the hive.
no fairytale dark-wood, but fight it just the same, if you find it's all lies.

"I fall to pieces, time only adds to the flame..."

"sometimes we walk like we were shot through our heads, my love/We write a song in space like we're already dead and gone/ Your world was killing me, your world was killing me.."

"somebody shake shake shake me sane, cuz I am inching ever closer to the tip of this scorpions tail..."

Captain, my captain..

said he couldn't paste it all together for me. i wouldn't budge, and everytime, i sunk some more. deep down, slip under it. said i should build my own boat, in the thick of it. i cry that i have no paddles, no sails, no wind, and nothing nothing. he tells me i have been on land too long, that i should have known, "to swim is not enough. but to sail, to sail my boy, is just the trick, and only the beginning. "
that i should look out for pirates seemed a given. they distract, he says, distort, hand out gold. i said that i hadn't the breath for this, would tire before i reached the other shore. the blue can be a welcome blanket, a divider, this and that, and that is all i wanted. couldn't he see? couldn't he, with his spy-glass, spy that i was to inevitably drown? he cocks his head to one side, back again, and before the storm broke in its thundery-fullness, "who said anything about a shore, lad? to swim is not enough, but to sail, to sail my boy, is just the trick........and puzzles puzzles everywhere."

"why no one will help me/I am too dumb, I am too smart/they'll not understand me/I am lonely/They'll hate me/and there is not enough time/it's too hard to help me/and God wants me to work/no resting, no lazy"

"Work me lord, work me lord. Please don't you leave me, I feel so useless down here.."

"When I grow up I'll be stable. When I grow up I'll turn the tables.."