and i can't go

sleeping

just a bit under hypnotic,

through this step.

but i can't release.

i can't go. not that i know how.

and it's tricky.

the first step,

finding my way through rainy

haze,

but i can't release.

i can't go. not that i know how.

sleeping

just a bit under hypnotic,

through this step.

it's the reverb that catches me.

imitating sweetness.

it's not so sour.

it's not so sour.

it's difficult of me.

i am a typical rain-water lush.

it's difficult of me.

it's not so sour.

Just the Way it is

i can keep it
here
in a locked box with your voice
the key,
and it could be sweet, it could be
sharp, [razor-wire on southern fences].

it was never a question that i marked,
i didn't wonder at your pulse,
but the rythym of your beat instead.
that's how i tick, and i tocked a bit out of focus these past couple days,
inside, and it bled through, [stains on my plain-white tee].

i'm a worrisome sort that meanders in and outside
of the lines that i have drawn for myself,
and i keep the prickly bundles of my past
strapped to my back, [because i can't let go][i can't let go]
because i don't know how to unbuckle, and then i learn.
then i learn. you have a way that teaches,
like a good book, [and i've let it slip][i've let it go].
sometimes trading syllables with you is like a flash,
[this is an ever-blue wide-awake].

But, on your life, you won't...

just a spin of belows and ups
that i can't really control
anymore than you
can
do
just like that.
i found it's just a drizzle of things to come,
how they get harder and harder
and harder
to drive,
like in the rain,
and then i hydro-plane.
i think i'll dye my hair today,
like fire-brand, and i'll be
all sparks and frizz,
so much so
that the electricity will be more than anyone can stand
and they'll have to turn me off,
like a light.
i'm not angry and i'm not against anyone,
i don't hold war-signs,
i'm just here soaking it all in
and letting it affect me,
the way too much radiation can kill a boy.
it's so simple, really.
i like the sound of my thoughts
crashing in and out,
and i think that you do too,
sometimes.
they'll have to turn me off,
like a light.
just like that.

Afternoon Delight

"and besides, you're lucky, you already have a boyfriend. anyway, you know which one I'm talking about?"

"yes, dude. i remember. the other one was better though. and hello, anyway, it's not like i'm gonna be all up on it or whatver, i was just sayin..."

"which one, his friend?"

"yeah. like wayyyy better. so hot dude..."

"yeah, he was. but I prefer taller..."

"anyway, it's like, just human nature to kind of stray with your mind, like in your head. you know?"

"totally. everyone does it. they'd be lying if they said they didn't."

"totally. i'm just saying, that like i notice when it peaks for me, and then when it's almost totally not there. it's just crazy......anyway, what were we talking about?"

"I don't know. you need to get laid though."

"totally."

It Waxes, It Wanes

through the looking glass of seasons,
it's all a show of little things, the bits and candy fragments,
the pieces and rough shards.
i sift through it, like a wading pool, and stand back
to let it all in.
in the flower of spring it was just getting spread,
the dew,
and it was all stamens and pistils from then on out,
cherishing the pollen like sips from ambrosial cups.
through the lenses i catch spring slip into summer's height
and the sun has never blazed with such force,
the lava of our nights.
i don't want to smile on my memory of honey.
i want to drown in it.
asphyxiation is the salvation,
the sound of furious wings, million-beats, the sting.

Worm

shiseido red breathes itself into
that dawn
from yesterdays and cold-fronts,
and the frosts of our seasons
situate themselves on the outside,
guard our borders like knives at the ready
-unbalanced force.
i believe it just in time to feel
your insinuations, your paper-thin words,
and it isn't enough to turn and walk away.
it isn't enough to say i'm not afflicted,
that you do not affect me.

i thought you'd left,
and i thought it was just this new road,
that i'd focus on the map ahead,
but you just keep, and you keep,
and you
are not the apple i had thought.
still, i can't decide the serpent from the fruit,
the sin from the redemption,
the man from the boy i used to be.
it's eating, from the inside.